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Your's, Mine and Ours

Discussion in 'General Dog Discussions' started by TigerDog, Feb 19, 2012.

  1. TigerDog

    TigerDog Good Dog

    The term "family dog" is something I have always hated. I don't believe that there is truly a such thing as one. The responsibility of the animal usually falls on one member of the family. No matter who truly wanted the dog. As you know I have two personal dogs, Saint my Doberman and Kaida my Koolie mix. Their energy alone makes me wonder who is slipping my dogs speed behind my back. Saint is almost two and still very puppy like and Kaida is 8-9 months old by now. On top of them I have a three year old son. So most of the time by the end of the day I pat myself on the back for still having my sanity mostly intact.

    Anywho, my husband has always been a fan of Rottweilers and has been talking about how much he has been wanting one since we are in a place where a third dog is a possibility. We have enough space, time and resources to care for three dogs. There was a Rottweiler/Pit-bull cross at a local shelter that I'll admit tugged at my heart strings a little but I staunchly refused to bring another dog for myself home. He however, fell deeply in love with this dog. We went and saw him a few different times and played with him while he sat there for four months having been returned twice due to no fault of his own. When finally my husband revealed just how much the dog had meant to him and finally told me. I agreed to the adoption of the dog.

    I felt really bad since he sees me loving on Saint and Kaida day in and day out. As well as playing with them and cuddling with them for an hour or two at a time. Don't get me wrong they like him and vice versa but its obvious who their allegiance is truly to. I made it a point to elaborate that they were MY dogs and as such he would do no training, have no say in their care whatsoever and that if they were doing something wrong to get me and I would discipline them the way I see fit. Having an ex in the past that was extremely abusive to my dogs in the past, I wasn't going to let that happen now. Not that my husband would ever intentionally harm my dogs. Because of this I let him know upfront that I would not love Domo (his dog) the way I love my dogs. That if it came down to it I would choose my two over his without hesistating.

    I know that some people disagree on having favorite dogs in the household but I can't help it. I like Saint over Kaida and I'm not ashamed to say it. However, one thing that frustrates me to no end is that even though its his dog I'm the one who will be with it all the time. It kills me to watch him "train" him and he's saying, "Stop..no..leave it...please quit...". I just get pissed off because he's confusing the dog and I'm like, "PICK A COMMAND AND STICK WITH IT!" I don't want to interfere with his training Domo but at the same time I'm inevitably going to have to since Domo will be with me all the time. I want him to be well trained. Not "ok, most of the time." I want this dog to come when I call, not when he damn well pleases.

    I don't know, maybe its because I didn't feel a strong connection with this dog or what. Don't get me wrong, he's pretty good and behaved most of the time and I do like him. I just keep reminding myself that he's fresh out the shelter and will need time to settle in and learn the basics. Does anyone else get frustrated with their partner's pets? Or maybe their partner's "training methods"? Ex:Spray bottle or using pee pads instead of going outdoors to potty?
  2. ChocolateMadison

    ChocolateMadison Little Dog

    I pretty much agree with having favorite dogs in households. When it was just our GSD and Husky the GSD was mine and had been since I was 17. It used to drive my husband crazy that every time he gave him a command Tank would look at me first to make sure he was supposed to do as my husband was telling him. His husky is loyal to him and cuddles with him and what not which makes him feel better. Now that we have Madison I have no idea how that is going to work. She seems to love us both equally since we were both there when we found her on the street. I'm more of the trainer though so I get the feeling she's going to end up bonding with me and leaving him more out in the cold.
  3. TigerDog

    TigerDog Good Dog

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels the same way. I've always thought I was ridiculously possessive over my dogs and that everyone else's were not even registering on my radar. Unfortunately, I think since I'll be the one doing most of the "hard work" with the dog that he'll end up bonding to me more than my husband. I just haven't seen a dog that loved everyone in the household equally.
  4. SBTlove

    SBTlove Good Dog

    I do disagree on your thoughts on a family dog. Only because the responsibility is split evenly between my husband and I. Now our daughters only responsibility is to love and play with the dog, as it should be. (As she is not old enough to really comprehend the responsibility of a dog, when she gets older she will gradually get small responsibilities with the dog) I believe with any dogs in the home, you should share equal responsiblity. After all when you are married its all about compromise. Its not my dog, his dog. My food, his food. My couch, his couch. My friends, his friends. You have to get passed that mine and his thing and bring it all together. Its better for for the dogs that way.

    You know I come from a blended family, so with my dad and his wife it was always your kids and my kids. Never really has felt like a family unit. My dad delt with me and my brother. Then she delt with their kids together. (and of course they were treated differently).

    Its just one of those things, you have to let go of "mine and His" to make things work.
    However, I do agree on the idea of having favorite dogs. It just happens. My husband was much closer to our poodle than I was, and I always have shown a lot of favortism toward our terrier mix. Now that flip flopped there for a little while shortly before our poodle died. I think a lot of that was I put a lot of time and energy into his health and trying to get him better, that my terrier mix kind of took a backseat there for a while. But even then my terrier mix and I had a much better bond I think. I loved my poodle and I had a good connection with him, it just wasn't as strong. I still miss him everyday, it still tears me apart knowing he is gone and I'll never see him again in this lifetime. Regardless of who was closer with him. But him and my husband were good buddies, and I would never want to take that away from them. They had a great bond. But regardless we shared the same amount of responsibility for both.

    Like it or not these are your dogs together, you have to live with these dogs. You need to find a way to bond with this dog, and you need to help with the training. Just as he with yours. You are married, you share the responsibility. This is great practice for when you guys have kids. (Assuming you don't have kids already)

    ---------- Post added at 11:09 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:05 AM ----------

    Personally I think for the well being of the dogs, you need to find a way to bring it together. But that is just my personal opinion.
  5. MJJean

    MJJean GRCH Dog

    Technically, Ike, Rita, and Renee are mine and Owen is my husbands. I do most of the care giving and he pays for expenses as I do not work.

    Now, my kids are 18, 13 and 10. Since they are older they get told to let the dogs in and out and to supervise them when they are outside if I am busy. They also help with feeding and watering here and there. The dogs will love and cuddle anyone, any time, anywhere. The kids spend a decent amount of time on a couch or love seat cuddling and petting and my 13 year old daughter has decided to help with training new tricks like give paw. Because of all that I do see them as family dogs.

    As far as favorites, it rotates. Sometimes one is my favorite and sometimes another is. It all depends on which pissed me off the most recently.
  6. destinoscelgo

    destinoscelgo Good Dog

    lol In my household, the dogs are mine. My boyfriend's only responsibility is to let them outside when he is smoking. Oh and that once in a blue moon when he has to give them a bath.
    I feed them, prepare their meals, take them on walks, train them (which is why they don;t listen to him...)

    So yeah...they are my dogs lol

    ---------- Post added at 11:54 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:52 AM ----------

    Oh and with favorites, Willow is my favorite training partner. She is high energy, loves to work and has a perfect temperament.
    Raj is very nervous and has little to no confidence, which makes him a good cuddle buddy.
    They are both my favorite for different things =)
  7. Sagebrush

    Sagebrush Good Dog

    Of course there are favorite dogs.

    More fundamentally, I question the wisdom of a couple bringing another dog into a household where there are already two AND a small child AND one of them really doesn't WANT another dog. I believe those are the kinds of decisions where BOTH have to agree. If both DON'T, the default should be NOT to do the action.

    As a breeder, I would see that as the kind of situation that would not be in the best interest of the new dog. When I screen, BOTH adults MUST want the dog.
  8. JakesMom5332

    JakesMom5332 Little Dog

    When we first met, I had my two dogs, Gabby and Conman. They were always my dogs and as such while they loved him, I was the one they turned to, and he saw that. After losing Gabby, I eventually brought Harley into our family. Things happened and he wasn't around much until she was just over a year old. Of course she is my girl.
    This is why when he saw Jake at the shelter there was no discussion as to him having his own dog.

    Basically what we have is me and my dog and him and his dog. But, neither of us has any problem stepping in for the other if needed. He does train much differently than I do, but it works for him and his dog. (I'm sure he would say the same of me.)

    We do joke a lot about Jake being his dog when he is good, and mine when he is bad. But, the dogs do listen equally well to both of us.
  9. SBTlove

    SBTlove Good Dog

    You know I have to agree with this, because I see so many dogs adopted out at the shelter only to be returned a few days or weeks later because the couple didn't agree up front. He wanted a dog and she didn't or vice versa.

    Getting a dog is a big commitment, kind of like buying a house. Its a decision you don't make lightly and you make together. I hate seeing dogs returned due to no fault of their own just because the owners weren't both 100 percent committed to the dog.

    ---------- Post added at 01:19 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:16 PM ----------

    That being said, I also understand that everyone has their own way of making things work. And what works for one family, doesn't always work for another. But at the end of the day, I do think all responsible adults in the home need to be in agreement when bringing home a dog. They need to be in agreement on the dog, on the method of training, on health care, and on how they will split up the responsiblilites. Only then is any family ready for a dog.
  10. destinoscelgo

    destinoscelgo Good Dog

    In my own situation, I may take care of the dogs as the main extent of my day (also keep in mind, I am unemployed so other than talked to an infant all day I also work the dogs) I would not go bringing another dog into the house without my boyfriends OK. My boyfriend works two jobs so that is generally why he does not partake in the dogs lives like I do.
    He wants to do WP with Willow, and I agree. When it comes to finances in our household, since I am better and budgeting I will offer something we can afford, he usually agrees.
    That is how our household works.

    Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk
  11. SamThePitbull

    SamThePitbull Good Dog

    Sam is my dog. Lol. She loooves my husband, but I do the cleaning (usually tiny bits of something she managed to tear up while we werent watching). I feed her, bath her and walk her. She knows and she loves and respects me more. Sometimes i favor her over my husband lol! When he wants her off the bed I tell him no shes staying >_> i say "if you want to make decisions about where she sleeps then you can help me take care of her"
  12. TigerDog

    TigerDog Good Dog

    If I didn't want the dog, I wouldn't have agreed to the adoption. My husband asked me multiple times if I was ok with adding another dog and I was. I just want to let him train his dog the way he wants and not have to step in. He respects my training methods with my two and I do the same with his. I'd rather him view the dog as his versus ours. I don't feel as though everything has to considered "ours". My car is not his, my bank account is not his and my dogs and my son certainly are not his. Does he help me out with all of those things? Yes he does and he treats my son and my dogs just as he would his own. I came from a childhood with multiple step dads and always resented when my Mom would have her flavor of the year discipline me versus doing the work herself. That's part of the reason why I draw a line when it comes to my son and my dogs.

    Domo is not going to be returned to the shelter, I just get frustrated when I see my husband trying to "train" his dog and watching the dog get confused and shut down. Basically, I hate going behind someone and finishing what they started. Domo is a great dog especially for one that was in a shelter environment for so long. So what we've agreed to now is to take a training class together with Domo. We talked it over last night and agreed it would be a great way to bond with Domo and teach him the basics. I'm also counting it as date night.lol. Plus, it'll help teach my husband other things such as clicker training versus begging the dog to lay down.;)

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