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Things A Dog Must Remember

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Marty, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Marty

    Marty Big Dog

    1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
    2. I should not suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
    3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa, or under the bed.
    4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
    5. I will not eat the cats' food, either before they eat it or after they throw it up.
    6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to be sick.
    7. I will not throw up in the car.
    8. When at the beach, I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. no matter how good they smell.
    9. Kitty box crunches, although tasty, are not food.
    10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then re-deposit them after processing, in the back yard.
    11. The nappy bin is not a cookie jar.
    12. My humans' toothbrushes are for the exclusive use of my humans. If they want me to have one, they'll get me one.
    13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, so that when I throw up, my people will not assume I am hemorrhaging.
    14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down on rainy days.
    15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
    16. I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
    17. The sofa is not a face towel, neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
    18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
    19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
    20. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
    21. To avoid having a string hang out of my butt, I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage.
    22. I will not consider rolling around in the dirt a necessity first thing after getting a bath.
    23. I will remember that sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way to greet visitors.
    24. I will not fart in my owner's face while I am sleeping on the pillow next to their heads.
    25. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
    26. I will not consider the toilet bowl a magical, never-ending water supply, in spite of clear evidence that it is.
    27. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is here.
    28. I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room, and is thus to be avoided. Except when in-laws are here.
    29. The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and when he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
    30. Even though he's too chicken to come on Sundays, the mailman WILL be back and I'll have another shot at him.
     

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