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Mozart (NDR)

Discussion in 'Emotional Support' started by destinoscelgo, Jul 20, 2012.

  1. destinoscelgo

    destinoscelgo Good Dog

    Today has been a...long day to say the least, and quite frankly I don't really know where else to go with this. I know that this isn't dog related, as it is in reference to my cat, but it's the emotional support sub-forum, so I figured it would be appropriate, if this needs to be moved then I apologize in advance.
    Two days ago, late at night my boyfriend came home from work, and each time is the same song and dance. Once ten o clock comes around, one of the dogs goes in the kennel (if I'm not crating and rotating for the day...it all depends.) since when my boyfriend pulls up Willow...out of excitement fights with Raj (this is slightly irrelevant, but I guess read on.)

    Anyway...I did that. I do anything I can to protect my animals. Willow has a solid leave it since she will also go after my cats from time to time if I am not paying attention.
    For once, that is not what happened, and I had expected it.
    I told Willow to leave my cat, Mozart alone and she did, and kept running forward. (It's always quick. I hear the car, Willow perks up, usually gets up to go to the door, I say leave it, because there is always a cat somewhere -I have two.) Well...Willow left the cats alone (figures) but instead Mozart ran in across the room, in front of her path and they collided. Thankfully, she ignored him and carried on to the door and I went to grab her just in case. (The dogs are always at my side) and I checked Mozart, who seemed fine. He ran off, and throughout the night he was fine, so I brushed it off until the next day, when I noticed he was walking funny.
    I fucked up.

    I brushed it off as one of two things.
    1.Mozart has been fighting a bad UTI and has been on medication and prescription diet, so I thought it was acting up and it was from discomfort (his back legs)
    or 2. When Willow bumped into him, she DID hurt him.
    I told myself "If he's not better by tomorrow, I'm taking him to the vet."
    He wasn't better the next morning, so I called the vet and set an appointment for 3:00.
    As my morning went on, he started to get worse...he stopped moving and would only lay on the hard surfaces. He stopped eating and drinking and I kept telling him to just hold on until 3 fucking o clock.

    I thought it was from the pain I thought his legs were bothering him so much that he wouldn't eat, and once I got him to the vet everything would be fine. I had no car, I was stuck at home until my boyfriend got home.
    I left him in the bathroom, with food and water right next to him so he could eat if he chose and checked on him once in a while.
    The finally...I want to say it was...1:30? I noticed he had horribly labored breathing, his mouth was open and he was drooling.

    I called my boyfriend and told him to come home, I just knew something was wrong and the second he pulled in the driveway (1:45) we were on our way to the vet.
    But we were too fucking late.
    They took him into the room leaving me in the damn waiting room, and barely five minutes later, called me into one of the exam rooms.
    He was fucking dead.
    The vet told me he had no chance once he started breathing like that and it was likely a blood clot from the impact because it is "common in cats' for something like that to happen and it is usually in their back leg. I asked her if that was true, or if she was just telling me that to make me feel better about being so late.
    I should have taken him yesterday. I shouldn't have brushed it off and I feel like such a fucking dickwad for doing so. All because I hoped it would be nothing because I didn't want to spend more money on him.
    I would have spent it, but not if I didn't have to.

    I just feel so horrible. My fucking cat is dead because I didn't think about a blood clot.
    I mean...I'm sure Willow or Raj have collided with the cats before, and now this one time I lost him.
    I feel so horrible, and I couldn't even show it. I just left. I left him there to be cremated, I couldn't look at his body.
    I didn't even take the damn cat carrier back with me (and of course I need it since I only have one)
    My mom told me I could have buried him at her house, but I couldn't. I just couldn't even bare to admit that I fucked up.
    Overly paranoid-hypocondriac - nervous FUCKING wreck Nicole. That's me in a nut shell, and my cat died because I thought it was nothing.

    How could I have been so fucking stupid?

    Rest in Peace Mozart
    You were a prick, but you were a pretty awesome cat, even if you were a Princess in disguise.
    November 15th 2010-July 20th 2012
  2. ReneeMcDougal

    ReneeMcDougal Good Dog

    It could have happened even if you had done everything different. The vet is not kidding about ti being common, my aunts cat met the same fate when it was startled off a couch.
    Don't beat yourself up over this.
    RIP Mozart.
  3. SemasMom

    SemasMom Big Dog

    Oh I am so very sorry. Mozart was gorgeous. :hug:
  4. destinoscelgo

    destinoscelgo Good Dog

    Thanks guys. I really am trying not to beat myself up over it, but I feel like I should have known. I mean I knew something was wrong but I kept brushing it off thinking I was being so paranoid.
    Blah. I just feel like crap I guess.
  5. kady05

    kady05 Krypto Super Dog

    Oh no! That's so sad, but it was a freak accident.. I probably would've done the same thing. So sorry :(
  6. Gerry

    Gerry Big Dog

    That happened to my best friends cat,sorry for your loss

  7. destinoscelgo

    destinoscelgo Good Dog

    Thank you guys. In a way, I'm glad the vet wasn't lying. I really thought that the vet was just telling me that to make me feel better.
    I feel so bad, I was wondering if Malice would notice he was gone and I remember whenever I feed them she goes and gets him if he doesn't come out and she did that last night :( It was so sad and she didn't eat until probably overnight when I was sleeping.
  8. Beki

    Beki Good Dog Premium Member

    So very sorry for your loss. :(
  9. Tahlz

    Tahlz Good Dog

    This broke my heart as I read it.. I am so sorry. You didn't know about the possibility of the blood clot, it isn't your fault you didn't think of it, not a lot of people would have. I'm sure you'll keep the guilt of not taking him when you could have but.. Hopefully in time you will forgive yourself for that and if this ever happens again, you'll know what to do.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 21, 2012
  10. destinoscelgo

    destinoscelgo Good Dog

    Thank you guys again.
  11. ignitethis

    ignitethis Good Dog

    I am so sorry for your loss. He was a beautiful cat. RIP Mozart
  12. destinoscelgo

    destinoscelgo Good Dog

    Thank you, I appreciate it
  13. #1 stunner

    #1 stunner Good Dog

    I'm so sorry. Mozart looked like such a wonderful fun cat.
  14. destinoscelgo

    destinoscelgo Good Dog

    Thank you and he was wonderful...but I wouldn't use the word "fun" to describe him lol. He really was a princess, but a cuddly princess :(
  15. K9 Love

    K9 Love Good Dog

    Oh wow... What to say Nicole... :(

    It really just does sound like a complete freak accident. You can't possibly know everything, given what else was going on with Mozart, it doesn't seem outrageous for you to have attributed his behaviour to any of those causes.

    I can't say how many times the cats have gone for a spin if one of the dogs took them for an involuntary ride, it happens, it's not your fault.

    RIP Mozart.
  16. _unoriginal

    _unoriginal Cow Dog

    I tried to stay away from this thread. Out of sight out of mind. I'm sorry this happened Nicole but don't beat yourself up too bad. We all do it where we think it's not too bad. We all want it to not be a big deal. :( RIP Mozart.
  17. destinoscelgo

    destinoscelgo Good Dog

    Thanks guys. It's funny because I was so proud of Willow because I mean..Mozart ran *right* in front of her and she just ignored him because I told her to leave him, she didn't meant to collide with him (I mean...I don't think a dog would do that on purpose)
    I don't know. I'm trying to be all right about it, but this is really the only place I could express my feelings about it since my boyfriend is a freakin mental wreck when it comes to death and because of that I don't think I have mourned properly, or maybe I have. I don't know I'm rambling. It just sucks though because I think Malice noticed today that Mozart was gone, she hasn't left me alone since this morning.
    I think I understand what happened was just a shitty situation, and I mean...it's funny (ironically) since we were going to the vet anyway.
    I just hope he wasn't in any pain towards the end, even though I think he was. :(

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