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Discussion in 'Memorials' started by Mollie's Nana, Nov 30, 2016.

  1. Mollie's Nana

    Mollie's Nana Krypto Super Dog Staff Member

    Two weeks ago today, I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do... I said goodbye to Mollie. We found out in April that she had a tumor in her liver, & I have spent the entire year trying to keep her healthy. She has had mostly good days, & a few bad, but for the most part, her summer was good. On the weekend of the 4th, she had an abscess come up on her abdomen. She went to the vet the 7th, he drained it, and we dealt with a draining abscess for a week. By the 14th, it was still draining, and not really seeming to go down any. Bad news came that afternoon when the vet called & said the abscess had become necrotic. He said she had anywhere from 6-8 hours, or 6-8 days before it ate through her abdomen wall, but once it did, she would go downhill fast. I have told him all along, I did not want her to suffer, no matter how hard it was for me to let her go, so I made the decision to take her in on Wednesday, the 16th.

    We had a retirement party at work for 2 of my coworkers Tuesday night, with grilled steaks. I got the biggest steak I could find, ate about 1/4 of it, saved the rest for Mollie, gathered up some of the guys that had steak on their plates, and ended up with 4-5 pounds of steak. I took that, along with 2 rolls, & stopped to get a half gallon of vanilla ice cream, on my way home from work. I have been having to force her to taste food most of the time, just to get her to taste it. Once she tasted it, she would usually eat, but getting her to taste it was sometimes a problem. But the night I brought the steak home, I didn't have to push her to taste it, she tasted it on her own, and gobbled up almost every bite of it, all except the fat, and maybe 5 or 6 pieces. Then she ate both rolls, went outside to potty, then came in and ate a big bowl of ice cream. I just knew she would be sick from eating so much, but she slept like a baby... even had a big dream of her chasing something, & was just kicking & twitching like crazy. I started to wake her up, then decided to just let her dream.

    Wednesday morning, she ate about 10-15 Vanilla Wafers, went outside & sniffed for the deer, and looked great! I met her at the vet at 11:20 & she ate more vanilla wafers, & doc came in to see her one last time. I thought maybe we needed to put it off, because she was doing so good, but he said waiting was just prolonging what was to come. He gave her a shot to relax her, & when she got wobbly, I laid her down in front of me in the floor. In just a little bit, my girl was gone... she was 2 weeks shy of 12 years old.

    I lost part of my heart that day, a part that will never recover. I cry every day, I miss her more than I thought possible. I have missed work because I just can't pull myself together. How can someone love a dog as much as they do, & more so in some cases, than I do humans? How can my heart ache this much, & how will I ever be able to look at another dog without thinking about her? I can't even look at the other dogs, forget playing with them or loving on them... my heart aches too much for Mollie. My entire year has been consumed with taking care of her this year, & they have all taken a back burner... now I fear I will never be able to recover enough to ever love on them. Right now, I am just too consumed with heartbreak, & I can't focus on much of anything at all.

    Rest well sweet, sweet Mollie. My heart will never be the same ....

    Into Paradise may the angels lead you.
    (This picture was taken on the last morning I had her, 11/16/16. She could smell the deer back behind the house).
    Mollie 11.16.16.png
  2. Derek1

    Derek1 Big Dog

    That was a very heartfelt story,thank you for sharing it. And I'm very sorry for your loss.
  3. Madeleinemom

    Madeleinemom MS Bites, My Dog Didn't Staff Member

    R.I.P., Mollie. Join Madeleine at Esperanza at the Bridge, and play like crazy!
    I have read so much about you on this forum over the years, chuckled and laughed with your Nana. You were special, and you were loved.
    And you always will be loved ... and remembered. And your love and memory will embrace the surviving dogs with tender care ...

    And you are right, your heart will never be the same, but some day, the memories will soften the pain of the moment and add lovely stitching of love on your heart, an intricate pattern that helps us be whole again.
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2016
  4. Mollie's Nana

    Mollie's Nana Krypto Super Dog Staff Member

    Thank you guys. Madeleinemom... she is the first thing I think about every morning, I think about her all day, and I cry myself to sleep every night. You know, she was the one who got me through the death of my sister all those years ago... I would rub her ears and cry myself to sleep when no human could comfort me. Now, she is with my sister, my mom, & my best friend. I had just had to have our 18 year old ShihTzu, Gizzmo, put down 2 weeks before we found out about Mollie's tumor. She would go up and down, losing weight, only to go back the next month and have gained 4 pounds back. She fought, she fought hard, and in the end, it wasn't even the tumor that took her out. I had taken her for a ride the Monday night that we made the decision, and she was so alert, and so focused. She could smell the deer, and I had to hold her to keep her in the car. She stuck her head out the window and sniffed for all she was worth. She went out with dignity. She walked into the clinic, & she was feeling good. She didn't get to that bad stage that some dogs take a turn for. She went out on a high note, with a full tummy of steak & ice cream, and me whispering in her ear, telling her how much I love her, how much I appreciate everything she has done for me, & how I'm never, ever, going to forget her. She, honest to God, was ... is ... always will be, my whole heart.
  5. leavesofjoy

    leavesofjoy Big Dog Premium Member

    I am so sorry to hear about Mollie. I went through much the same thing with my Dante, years ago- he was old and ill off and on for a while. He was living a good life, but needed a lot of care every day. When we had to let him go, I woke up the next day feeling adrift, nothing to do, no one needing me, feeling lost in a hole and not sure what was next. It was awful, and I feel for you that you're in that place right now.

    I don't know how we love these dogs so much, certainly more than I love most people, and then find a way to go on when they leave us. Somehow, I managed to and now I have my sweet and wonderful Griffin, but there will always be a sad place in my heart for D.

    Don't worry about how much of yourself you can give your other dogs right now. Just take care of their needs and let them love on you, they are dogs and will be as giving as you need, that's how dogs are.

    You gave Mollie a wonderful life and a dignified passing, full of love and care to the end. That will be comforting some day, until then, be easy on yourself.

  6. Kit

    Kit Good Dog

    So sorry for you loss. They are never with us long enough. :-(
    Mollie's Nana and Capt. Roxy like this.
  7. Capt. Roxy

    Capt. Roxy Good Dog Premium Member

    :cryingface: I'm sorry for your loss... *hugs*
    I went through a moment when I cried about 3 months straight on and off. It does slowly get better within time but there will always be a hole in your heart.
    I too love dogs way more than people. I often times wondered if there is something wrong with me... How I can be so cold/indifferent to some people but I can never be cold to any dog out there.
    Angellover100 and Mollie's Nana like this.
  8. Nat Ursula

    Nat Ursula Good Dog

    So sorry...I know how you feel. I still cry when I think of my Golden mix.
    Mollie's Nana likes this.
  9. phillysmom

    phillysmom Good Dog

    I am so sorry for you loss and for the very deep and real pain I know you are feeling right now. Its so hard and it will be difficult in the upcoming weeks, but you have to know she would not want you to be so sad. I don't know why it is and how it is so possible for us to love our dogs so deeply and there is always that one, that is especially hard to lose. Its a terrible heartache, I know. You will second guess your decision, was it the right time?? I say, it most assuredly was. Take care.
  10. Mollie's Nana

    Mollie's Nana Krypto Super Dog Staff Member

    Leavesofjoy, thank you so much. I was lucky, in that Mollie wasn't really all that sick. Sure, she was aging, and had lost quite a bit of weight, but had not really been sick, just slowing down, and getting gray. She has had a good life, and I hope she knew how much I truly love her with all my heart. But no, she definitely wasn't with me long enough. Right now, I can't even think about another dog. I still have 4, so I'm not in need of one, but my daughter mentioned today that I needed a puppy, and I was like, "no way!". I would like to think Bella was my last puppy, and she is nearly 8 years old, but I don't miss all the puppy antics at all. I like my adult, mostly mature, group, I'll leave the puppies to those that have the energy for them... or just don't know what they are in for with all those puppy teeth!

    Capt. Roxy, There is most definitely nothing wrong with you, unless there is something wrong with me, and most of my dog friends... lol. I have always favored dogs over people, they love unconditionally, are not judgemental, accept us as we are, don't hold grudges, they only see our hearts, not all the exterior that most people rate their approval system on, and luckily, are very forgiving of our sins.

    When I lost my first dog, I cried for months, but it did get better in time... but I hate to admit, I'm not even sure I loved her as much as I love Mollie. I got Mollie at a much more mature age in my life, when the kids were grown & starting to move out on their own. Mollie was my kid who never moved out, never complained, was always thrilled to see me, and loved to just lay beside me & sleep while I watched TV. The fact that she was the only one that could comfort me when my sister was killed, just made me that much closer to her. Knowing she is with my sister & my mom, who was so afraid of "pit bulls" when she first met her, only to fall in love with her.... that brings me a little comfort to know she is with them & they are taking care of her. But the selfish side of me still wants her here with me, I still needed her here with me, for me to take care of her, and for her to take care of me. I wasn't ready to live the rest of my life without her just yet. Truth be told, I doubt I ever would have been ready for that.

    Angellover100 likes this.
  11. pampam22

    pampam22 Good Dog

    I hate seeing this. So sorry for your loss. :cryingface:
    Angellover100 and Mollie's Nana like this.
  12. BullMan

    BullMan Puppy

    this brought tears to my eyes.
    Mollie's Nana and Angellover100 like this.
  13. Nat Ursula

    Nat Ursula Good Dog

    Me too.
    Mollie's Nana and Angellover100 like this.
  14. leilaquinn

    leilaquinn Good Dog

    So very sorry for your loss
    Mollie's Nana and Angellover100 like this.
  15. Leslie H

    Leslie H Good Dog

    Molly was lucky to have an owner who loved and respected her as much as you did.
    Mollie's Nana likes this.
  16. BBPITS

    BBPITS Good Dog

    I don't get on here as much,very sorry to hear this.Run free girl!..
    Mollie's Nana likes this.
  17. Mollie's Nana

    Mollie's Nana Krypto Super Dog Staff Member

    Thank you all very much... I haven't been on here in a while... I haven't been on anything in a while much. Everything reminds me of Mollie. I still miss her so much, so I haven't been able to get on here and think straight, or do Facebook, or anything. But I sincerely appreciate all of your kind words. Mollie was one in a million, and I will never have another like her. She owned my whole heart, & I don't know if I will ever be able to let another one in.
    Nat Ursula and Vicki like this.
  18. leavesofjoy

    leavesofjoy Big Dog Premium Member

    I'm sorry to hear you're still having a tough time, but I also totally understand. It took me a few years to stop feeling so raw about Dante, and it still hurts if I think about him, even with sweet Griffin in my life now. It's hard to love another being so much and then lose them, hard to be so open to what we know will be pure pain one day. And when that day comes, and for so many after, it's hard to hold yourself together around the hole they leave. Mollie was one in a million, and you are too, for loving and caring for her so well.

  19. steve07

    steve07 Good Dog Premium Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Just remember she had a great life and that's what mattered most.
  20. AGK

    AGK Scratch Kingz Staff Member

    Sorry for your loss. It's never easy losing a good one. You did the right thing. I lost a very important dog to me this time last year. It's never easy making that decision. Kudos to you for not prolonging the enviable, it's a very hard thing to not do. I'm sure you provided a very loving life for her and she knew she was loved dearly..

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