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I Miss My Best Friend

Discussion in 'Memorials' started by Noah George, Apr 24, 2016.

  1. Noah George

    Noah George Little Dog

    I know I'm new here but...

    A week ago today, Sunday, 17 April 2016, I unexpectedly had to say goodbye to my best friend, my best girl, Jin.

    I had actually planned to take her on a hike that day, either to the river or the nature center. In fact, I had been looking forward to it most of that week and had figured it would be a beautiful day for a hike.

    I had a lot of plans for this year.

    How quickly things can change, however, as what I thought was perhaps an upset stomach or even gas pains from eating so much the night before horribly proved to be so much more.

    I'm glad I wasn't scheduled to work that day and could be with my girl through the entire thing (I'm glad as well I was fortunate enough to not have to work today as well...); similarly, I'm grateful I knew the signs to look for and realized she needed to see a vet, the only emergency visit we ever had to make. I'm also thankful – so thankful – for the peaceful moment we had, sat in the Jeep, listening to Johnny Cash as I pet her and spoke to her and Jin relaxed on the bench seat.

    The vet confirmed my worst fear, but the only thing I realized it could be: an ultrasound showed the fluid in her abdomen clearly, as well as a mass and a spleen that looked abnormal. Through fighting back tears I told Jin, who was looking at the machine, that she got to see her “insides” – and “how many dogs get to say that in their lifetime?”

    I knew the prognosis. For peace of mind though I asked anyway what the best case was and was told it was likely hermangiosarcomas and quite often by that point they've metastasized and spread to other organ systems; they could give her fluids, she offered, and could refer us to Cornell for surgery (where they could do a blood transfusion if needed, the reason she was reluctant to offer the surgery herself). The surgery would probably be between $5,000-6,000 and, best case, we might get two months from that...if she made it through surgery. Had it been a year I honestly may have considered it, but I couldn't be selfish...

    They let me take what time I needed and, through my devastation, I kissed my girl and stroked her, cuddled her as best I could on the table. I told her she was an awesome dog, the best dog, and a better dog than I could have asked for; I told her that I loved her so much and would always remember her, that she had become the yardstick by which all other dogs would be judged. I meant every word. I told her I wished things could be different, that it could have happened at home, but that I couldn't be selfish.

    I have a lot of guilt around what happened and still wish we could have said goodbye at least on grass...but I'm glad my girl wasn't alone that day. I'm glad I was with her at the end. That was the least I could do.

    I still haven't put any of her things away and so many moments feel empty now without her...I thought we had so much more time.

    God I miss my gorgeous girl.

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  2. Michele

    Michele Chi Super Dog Staff Member Super Moderator

    I'm so sorry for your loss.......
     
  3. steve07

    steve07 Good Dog Premium Member

    I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  4. Pitbullmom1

    Pitbullmom1 Big Dog

    So sorry.
     
  5. Nat Ursula

    Nat Ursula Good Dog

    So sorry too. She was beautiful.
     
  6. Madeleinemom

    Madeleinemom MS Bites, My Dog Doesn't Staff Member Super Moderator

    Rest in Peace, Jin. You were beautifiul and well-loved. And you have given your person beautiful memories for a lifetime.
    Hemangiosarcoma seemingly strikes out of nowhere. We lost Madeleine to it, and I well remember that dreadful time in the E.R. hospital with her ... I truly feel for you, my condolences to you.
     
  7. FetchingInTheRain

    FetchingInTheRain Little Dog Premium Member

    I'm sorry for your loss, She was a beautiful girl and know that you still did take a hike with her, only that this time her hike led her to heaven. <3
     
  8. Noah George

    Noah George Little Dog

    Thank you, everyone, both for the condolences and the compliments toward my girl. I used to tell her all the time she was beautiful but would get a reaction like she didn't believe me, haha, like a "whatever" reaction.

    I still feel sometimes as though she could be right near me. I tell myself she isn't but can't help but look anyway...

    @Madeleinemom, she gave me so many wonderful memories and I wouldn't trade them for anything. They really do as well; when I came home and posted that I had to say goodbye to her that day on Facebook so many people made the comment that they didn't understand and that she had been just fine the day before. I had actually suspected, especially her being a Boxer-mix (and having read of a Pointer-mix who passed suddenly from the same cause), that she might have a mass in her abdomen...I know that in reality it probably wouldn't have made a difference, but I wish I had brought it up at her last vet visit. I forgot and the vet didn't mention anything when she palpated so I figured I would ask at her next visit figuring we still had plenty of time...thank you, and I'm sorry about your girl as well. It's a devastating way to lose a beloved dog.

    @FetchingInTheRain, that's a wonderful way to think of what happened. Thank you for that.

    I've yet to figure out how I'm going to be able to stand hiking alone now...I might just have to focus on kayaking this year and only go hiking with someone else. I actually made the comment the other day that I'll have to be even more careful not to get lost on trails now that I don't have her to find our way again (she had a gift for that).

    We set up a little tribute to her on the mantle -- I forgot to ask for a paw print before leaving the hospital that day, so receiving her print in the mail yesterday was an amazing gift.

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    FetchingInTheRain likes this.
  9. BCdogs

    BCdogs Good Dog Staff Member Super Moderator

    Sorry for your loss.
     
  10. Cofla

    Cofla Big Dog

  11. FetchingInTheRain

    FetchingInTheRain Little Dog Premium Member

    Great to hear that the hospital were able to do that for you, lovely way to keep her reminder forever. A paw print on your mantle as well as your heart.
     
  12. Vicki

    Vicki Administrator Staff Member Administrator

    I am so very sorry, my condolences to you and your family.

    Rest in peace, sweet Jin.
     
  13. Noah George

    Noah George Little Dog

    Once again, thank you everyone, your condolences are truly appreciated.

    Eddy, I will try and check that out -- I don't have HBO, but I'll take a listen to the samples on iTunes and perhaps purchase it on there. Thank you for the suggestion.

    @FetchingInTheRain, eventually on my body as well (either my arm or, more likely, my chest): I'm planning to design a tattoo around it -- I thought I would have to do with a picture of her print in the snow (and was glad I had that), but to have a tattoo of her actual paw print is immeasurably better.
     
  14. FetchingInTheRain

    FetchingInTheRain Little Dog Premium Member

    That's awesome! I plan on doing the same when the day comes. She was lucky to have a loving and caring person like you and I'm sure you can say the same vice versa.
     
  15. Noah George

    Noah George Little Dog

    It just seems fitting, doesn't it?

    Thank you, and yea, I admitted on Facebook that I sometimes thought she might have done better with a more experienced owner but there was no doubt that she considered me her person -- that was clear even with my mother who gave her food while she cooked -- and that she wouldn't have traded me any sooner than I would have traded her. I consider myself enormously lucky to have had her. She was tremendous and a truly special dog and I learned so much from her. She was amazing.
     

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