[Purple]

Ten worst gifts to buy a woman

1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a informercial. One allowed choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)


2. Any bulk cleaning supplies, "honey, I got you that large box of Tide you have been wanting." "This Windex should last you a while." "I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner." All I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to spring for the $5 Chia Pet you were eyeing in Kmart.

3. Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home with lipstick on your collar after a "night out with the boys."

4. Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. "Honey, I'm sure you'll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a lame gift. After a gift like this, you probably won't be around for NEXT Christmas.

5. Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the beautiful woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend).

6. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.

7. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.) Also, now would not be a good time to buy her that set of diamond nipple clamps you always wanted to, you know how we like to show off our jewelry and it could get embarrassing at the New Year's party when she decides to show them off to your buddies.

8. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. Well, perhaps you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "were the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An additional hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). Its a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo. In the Northeast, thats like wearing white after Labor Day.

9. Do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to "do these pants make me look fat." If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.) A better alternative would be hiring a Chippendale dancer as a personal trainer to get her motivated into getting fit.

10. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.

[screamin'eagle]

...looks like I got my wife covered for the next 5 birthdays and Christmas' thanks to these top 10 gifts. Thanks so much for posting lol

[jennay2]

lol I don't know about you, but I would LOVE cooking appliances

[Chiapit]

Gifts I recieved from my ex...no joke

Pots & Pans
Sewing machine (I don't sew)
Blender
Squirrelys large 2 story cage (I did ask for that though)
Deep Fryer (I don't like fried foods)


Its just kinda hard to fake excitement when you open stuff like that.

[Palamino]

You forgot the cat - never buy her a cat!

[Galadriel]

Oh yeah! I'm a sucker for kitchen stuff! Last year, Evan made me a chef's knife for x-mas and I'd say it's the best gift I've ever received. It's freaking beautiful and there is NOTHING this knife won't cut through. His mom got me a vegetable mandolin which gets used quite a lot and a veg cleaver...both very high quality. Evan also just bought me a Shun Damascus 8" chefs knife and a magnetic stainless steel knife strip to hang the good knives on and I love it! But then....I'm a food and cooking snob, so all those things are very much appreciated. I'd probably not be so jazzed up about cleaning supplies.
And the power tools gift would backfire. I'm banned from Home Depot for drooling on the band saws, table saws, jointers, planers, and 18 V cordless drills and shorting them out =)

[Debbie]

My girlfriend told me her dumb ass boyfriend told her he already bought her something for Xmas.....

I told her yeah....he probably bought you a snow shovel and a bag of Rock Salt.....


Oh...and if my hubby ever bought me anything House/Kitchen related for Xmas/Birthday/Anniversary, he's definitely bucking for a divorce.

[DivineOblivion19]

OK, I dated a guy for several months when my birthday rolled around. He got me.... I'm not kidding you..... a quesadilla maker.

A F'ing QUESADILLA MAKER!!!!!!!! I'd never made quesadilla's or even ordered quesadilla's as a restaurant. I never once proclaimed a love or even a like of quesadilla's. But that's what I got. I got rid of that one shortly after....

[jeoestreich]

My boyfriend does not even attempt to buy me any gifts. He just takes me to the store and say "Ok, go pick out your Chirstmas (birthday) gift." It kind of nice because I get what I want but it would be nice if he put a little effort into it.