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  1. #1

    The Stages of Canine Pregnacy (joke)

    Canine pregnancy lasts nine weeks and then you have approximately 8
    weeks of rearing to do. I have identified and defined the several stages
    we go through in this process:

    Week one: Was he the right one? Typified by agonizing over whether you
    chose the right stud.

    Week two: Was she fertile? Indicated by mildly threatening thoughts
    directed at your bitch and concern about wasted $$$.

    Week three: Oh lord, we missed her...stupid sterile stud dog.

    Week four: You schedule a vet visit for a sonogram and wake up the
    morning of the planned test to discover she looks like she ate a
    watermelon!

    Week five: Not enough food in the world to feed this bitch....

    Week six: Oh lord she's lost some babies...when really she has just
    moved them around a bit and now she is hanging down more than spread out like a watermelon.

    Week seven: Dreams of glory featuring puppies with the best parts of
    both parents.

    Week eight: Nightmares of disaster featuring puppies that look like the
    neighbor's dog.

    Week nine: Maximum guilt...how could you do this to this sweet little
    girl, she can't eat or sleep and neither can you.

    Stage One labor: Now, is it now? No she is just rehearsing AND she has
    picked out one fake place for puppies, one real place and just rolls her
    eyes at the lovely new whelping facility you built for her.

    Stage Two: Well the fake place (the closet) has been passed up for the
    bushes in the front yard and you cannot convince her that her humongous
    butt is clearly visible to all passers-by...her head is hidden, she thinks she is in a den and to h*** with you, you have no idea what you are doing. Your job is to get her into the whelping box without stressing this delicate little dog mom to be or calling in the crane or forklift.

    Actual delivery of babies: Time is not on your side...it races, then crawls, races then crawls. Do you call the vet, do you wait. You have lighter moments ...the bitch trying to crawl into the laundry basket with the babies.

    Puppies Day one: Hubby comes in to view the litter, points at one and
    says "Wow is he cute". He is half the size of the other babies.

    Week One: Looking for heads in all the wrong places...now you KNOW
    better than to look for heads when they have smushed up muzzles from
    nursing

    Weeks Two and Three: You do their stress activities, monitor weights
    and every day hubby comes in to check on his boy...yes he is cute...
    fast, too. Easy to be fast when you are long as a freight train with long legs to match. You've picked out the best rears and tails from watching them nurse.

    During week three you discuss devotion to motherhood with your bitch
    when she announces the darn things have sharp teeth.

    Week Four and Five: They really are cute and you are caught thinking
    they are cute, because they are now on solid food and you are fast running out of clean paper. Hubby plays with his boy child and begs you to stack him up and tell him what you think ... you develop really good diversionary strategies.

    Week six: You are starting serious evaluation and start taking pictures
    ...you notice while doing the photographs that hubby's pick is now the
    same size as his littermates. The litter looks really good...aren't you
    glad you got that generic sperm and they all look like your bitch, who
    is perfect in every way

    Week seven: While analyzing the photos you keep coming back to one
    striking male who is very balanced and very proportioned...this cannot
    be happening. Could this be the "little " male your hubby liked.. THAT
    can't be...

    Week eight: The puppy party where all your friends and some of your
    enemies come over to pick your little darlings apart in great detail and
    make rude remarks about the faults that nasty stud produced. Their decision is unanimous ... pick of the litter is a strong handsome boy
    who trots wonderfully, comes when called and thinks your hubby hung the
    moon.

  2. #2
    This made me laugh...Harley was the runt when i got him now he's right on par with every other apbt his age and weight

  3. #3
    Join Date
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    ahh you forgot to add

    then the happy people take the pup home and exclaim over its cuteness and go to bed dreaming of showing and training a wonderful new family member... then they wake up in the morning to find their slippers shredded, the news papers on the floor dry and clean while the carpet in the hallway is soaked and smelly and the sofa is left looking like the lone survivor of a mini tornado. and of course the pup is happily licking the faces of the proud owners who seem to have fainted...

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    New York
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    I've moved your thread into the Breeder Discussion forum, I thought a little light hearted humor would be nice in there. :D

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    sw Iowa
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    good call Debbie, and yes, it is pretty darn funny

  6. Lmfao.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    michigan, usa
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    LOL :p

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